dreaming away.

last night i had a fabulous dream. in it, i was among a group of unknown people, but somehow i knew that i played an important role in the survival of this group. we were running from something/ someone that seemed like "the others" from lost. at one point, we stopped at some marshy/lake-ish place, and it being a hot day with the sun pouding down, my immediate idea was to go swim. i was wearing a loose piratey outfit (white shirt, big black belt, loose cut off pants) very similar to what will turner (orlando bloom) wears in pirates of the caribbean 1, and i promptly removed it, and proceeded to go swim naked without a care in the world. a captain jack sparrow- esque/ johnny depp man came swimming up near me as i was doing the breast stroke, and i felt fabulous. my only worry was that something could swim up underneath me (the bad guys) and pull me under without anyone else in my team noticing until it was too late. i think this did happen, but i woke up. i was very sad to be awake, for i was enjoying my dream.

it's true that in dreams i do see myself as i want to be, but in the same ways i am still the same way i am now. for instance; i dream i am an adventuresome skinny dipping pirate who is running from something/ avoiding something. well. i have skinny dipped, i do go on adventures, and if i had the clothes i would certainly be willing to dress like a pirate. plus i love boats. as far as running from something, i can't exactly put into words what that may be in real life right now, but i know deep down that i am running from something. perhaps it is myself, myself out to bring myself down in response to all the thigns i do and fail to do in my daily life. or perhaps i am running from God, being that i am guilty, and ashamed that he knows the same thigns about ymself i know about myself. i am running. i avoid pain. i wasn't myself, but then again i was. that is fascinating.

i love that in my dream i went skinny dipping without bothering to see who, if anyone was going to come with me. i do that in my life now. i dash down to and into the water at the beach even if people don't follow me. i love company, but i am also very individualistic. my dream is that someday i will find someone who will come with me when i dash off on my own, even when i don't ask them to. that would be so nice. :-)

that's all i was thinking about. also..... i really want to go swimming now. i am sick and tired of being around well.... there just ins't some exciting out of the way swimming hole i can escape to, i am around the same people all the time.... oh man this would be such a nice break. but alas i shall have to be patient and wait for my swimming, skinny- dipping, pirating times to come.

nugget.