dried mango

This is the flavor of my days. Dried costco philippine mango. quite tasty, but that's all there. just me and my mango chilling together. also i now have cliff bars. adams all natural peanut butter. grapefruit (3 for $2), grapes, tea, water, whear thins, soy milk and a box of giant poppyseed costco muffins. quite a feast huh? if i didn't have classes or friends i wouldn't have to some out of my room at all. sweet. but somehow that sounds awfully pathetic to me. and actually mangos really aren't my real buds anyways. the internet truly is my bff. my laptop (who i just realizd i should name since i spend so much time with this guy) really is there for me. every day-- staring at me with his goofy eyes. (i added nugget's gift to me; stickers to make inanimate objects animated!) how special huh?

strange... like normal i have spent my day drifting about. it really is because i have so much time, i just don't know what to do with myself. i took a much longer than necessary shower today, but the hot water felt so good. mmmmm.

oh but a thought that irriates me today; i was talking to someone on the phone today, and I explained how I was not doing especially wel l in classes, seeing as one of the biggest reasons i didn't do track was because i wanted to instead focus on my studies. i don't have A's right now as I had dreamed of. and perhaps i don't even have B's. But still, I am fine with C's, even these will be an improvement from last semester. So here's the beef of my irritation. this certain says "well maybe you aren't trying hard enough Ginny, you certainly have the aptitude [the ability/ potential/ every other word that i hate getting lectured to me] to do well". why does everyone assume that I'm not trying hard enough at the first bat before I have even explained myself? bugs me SO FREAKING MUCH. that's not to say that in this case the person was almsot in the ballpark, but if I told them, they would't understand me if I said to them "I am unable to make myself work harder" that just wouldn't make sense to the normal self- driven and successful person. perhaps it's we depress-ees who are the ones who can grasp this. you know, a thought just occurred to me. I am going to go over to the library to work so I don't have to listen to certian irritating people of my hall make obnoxious noises. gracious.

man! nothing sounds good right now! i am doing things, they are neat and all... but nothing is outstanding and so incredibly stimulating!!!! ahhhh.... i'm so unsettled. sucks.

well. here's to... my day. where i am looking for this evening when i hope my friends devina nd emily will be coming to borders with me to read books we aren't going to buy and then get quiznos for dinner :-) i really really REALLY hope we're still doing this. if not... i WILL be driving myself fun. gracious.