houston we have a problem

I don't know what I am doing. Tonight started out happily enough..... but then I just crashed, or rather degraded, until I am sitting here.... unable to do anything. You see, I have this essay I have been trying to write all night. I have not even gotten past the first paragraph. This is just so retarded. I know what I have to do, I orgaized it out for myself, yet my brain just.... won't.... do it. It's so frustrating and I feel like I am now scratching at a stupid wound that never went away. Also this wound thing just puzzles the shit out of me. Why the hell can't I write some bullshit one- page paper about how St Augustine is the better Christian role model for our lives today than St Patrick is????? This is soooo ridiculous. I think I am just so exhausted. But I don't know what to do. I HAVE to do this essay. I could be lame and just email it to her later, but that means I still will have to do it. And you see, I just KNOW I will get to that point where I just won't want to do it (despite my understanding that I NEED to) and..... I'll give up. That's what happened all last semester. I failed to act, I failed, I gave up. Bloody hell. I am left to my won devices now, and I don't know what to do with myself. fffffuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

also.... certain someone has moved on. ouch. at least I'll get to see some fun people who love me this break.... Oh gracious I don't even know what my main points are for my bloody argument!!! aaaaaaahhhhhhh. I am going to work some more I guess.