unhappy fathers day dinner

what is it with my family???? i'm up in my room hurrying to get dressed after my shower, because i know they sat down to dinner without me. i'm a little bitter about that, but not too bad. i can hear them chatting away pleasantly, but when i walk in, they abruptly stop talking and take to making snide comments about my clothes. i didn't feel like i needed to follow up those dumb comments, so i just sat down and asked for the food. later on in dinner, i am swiping the bbq sauce from the bottom of the pan like i always do when everyone has been served firsts and even seconds, and my grandma nags me for that which increases my irritation. i said "fine" and my mom jumps on me with a comment about how she has just had it with my attitude tonight. she said things were pleasant before you got here, and you can chose to either leave or let us enjoy the peace we had before you sat down. that hurt. quite a bit, since i have also been seeing things go back to the way they've always been with my parents loving pam, doting upon her, fawning over all her grand achievements, and they ignore me until they have to nag about something or be irritated with me and raise their voices to let off steam. such was the case last night. i was dead tired and quite exhausted and near tears because i realized i had to figure out where to park my car all day without paying since i had no cash, and this meant i would not be able to go to bed yet until this was figured out. so i call out to my parents for help, and that totally backfired. they get all frustrated with me when i say "i don't know what to do, could you please help me figure this out?" and raise their voices saying i don't know ginny, park in the same place as you did this weekend, and i explain that those are 2 hour zones, only free on weekends, and during the week i could not park there without getting many tickets during the 8 hours my car would sit there. long story short, my parents make me cry because they are not helping and are getting so frustrated with me that they start to yell at me. i tell them to forget it, i am just going to bed. after i have returned to my bed, turned out the lights and have my eyes shut, my dad bursts open the door and proceeds to badger me about the parking issue. i was beyond it all now and desperately wanting sleep, so i basically told him to go away. so coming home today i was still a bit bitter about that whole thing (and because thanks to their not help in problem solving, i got a parking ticket. whatever) SO tonight at dinner, the second subject my parents and grandma bring up is the parking issue. i told them it didn't matter anymore and to just drop it. we could tlak about it later. ps thanks for ruining my dinner by reminding me why i am bitter towards you. grrrrrr. so anyways returning to my mom's challenge to leave the dinner table mid-dinner, i left. now i am locked in the computer room and desperate to leave the house. also i am all emotional and crap and my body is not happy with the strain it has gotten in the past couple days at work. gracious gracious gracious. all in all, i'm hurt by my mom's comment, i'm tired of seeing myself as the lesser child, i'm bitter towards my parents ever- flowing frustrations and vocal strains towards me..... basically we are back to the conclusion i wish i were gone, even though i love this house. i just can't stand the house with the added flavor of pam. :'( tootles.