stody sunday; ruminant sunday

here starts a new day. sunday- when it is in fact the first day of rain in a while. i feel good about today. i smell so very awful. i snuck into the computer room by finding the key in my mom's drawer. i had chocolate pancakes with peaches and real maple syrup for breakfast. i did not go to church this morning. i had really good dreams last night. i read my book in bed for 3 hours. i am going to go do my new yoga video up in the apartment. then take a shower. eat some food maybe. then take my dog callie on a long walk. a very long walk. up our hill. around our hill... who knows. a nice walk in this gloriously fresh air. my family will be gone most of today, so the peace and quiet will be nice. i should note that today marks the first day i shall be one of the few left in town. that is- 95% of my buds- yes you- have now gone off to their respective colleges. in some reguards this leaves me with a feeeling of melancholy and self- disappointment, but in oher ways i am happy with the path i have chosen. most of the time. that is not to say i feel lost sometimes. just look at past posts. but for now, in this moment, i deal with myself, i am happy with myself, and i see that i can meet God in my places of peace and contemplation. i must note that to say that God- stuff takes a lot. i have felt such.... repulsion for the christian faith and christian community. even as i write this i feel such a longing to avoid it at all costs... but i say no. i still will not deny my bitterness and very strong dislike of the majority of the christian community, but i will also no longer deny my tiny and still there and just niggling faith. i still have many problems with God. many many. there is so much raw pain that i feel he has abondoned me to, but i feel i have been so cruel to God too. we'll see. anyways. time to live and be happy. just like my uncle richard did. also time to put some deoderant on.... not to mention a bra of some sort... haha! peace in this wonderful oregon air of ours! (though someday i shall have to go out in the world and face the troubles that exist in the air of some many others... hmmm.)

*side note. i wrote this earlier today, but i had to get off the computer real fast becasue i thought the 'rents were home. so i come back now with the intention of publishing it. the only things i did that i said i would do today were... watching the yoga video (because that's what they said i should do before trying it, but then john wanted to watch tv and so i let him. as a result i never got to do any yoga today. but i am setting my alarm a half hour earlier tomorrow (5:30am!) to do the sunrise yoga. woot), i read my book some more. i showered! i played fetch with the dogs. i watched grandma's boy on tv, i ate some food: scrambled (home- laid) eggs (from our chickens), a peace and cinnamon- sugar, a cup of licorice spice tea. a nice day. presently i am occupied here, and am taping crouching tiger, hidden dragon on tv to watch another time. i am pleased with today, and am now going to go finish my book. woot. *